Your happiness is not directly proportional to your child’s happiness

Your job as a parent is not to make your children happy and your happiness is not directly proportional to your their happiness.  One of your roles is to draw out their specific and unique gifts or talents.  Repeat after me: “I am not here for the sole purpose of making my children happy.”  This is indeed an interesting thought, well worth thinking about.

A controversial feature of modern parenting is ‘child-centrism,’ the tendency for parents to prioritize their children’s well-being above their own.  Whilst parenting does involve sacrifice, it doesn’t require you to sacrifice your joy.  Your children will thrive as you thrive. I come to realize that many times I have tried to make them happy thinking that we will all be happier as a result.  It’s not true.  

Their happiness level is not a yardstick of your parenting ability.  When your children grow up and fulfill their God-given destiny, then they will walk in greater degrees of joy.  

My children were born at this specific time in history and with a purpose. My role is to help them discover who God is for themselves, and for them to be who they were made to be. I am responsible to be the very best mom to them that I can be.  I am not responsible for them.  I am not responsible for all of their choices. Should one of my children decide not to study and do poorly in their exams, they will bear the consequences of that choice . Of course, I must do my bit but I cannot write the exam for them.  Let’s say they come home telling me of a fight they had with a friend. Again it’s not my battle to own.  I can talk, guide, counsel and pray but they have to choose to be a friend and learn to resolve conflict.   

My job is not to make my children happy. I am here to love them, shepherd them well and release them into becoming the man or woman they were made to be.  I have to consciously choose to empower and train them in their unique bent and direction.  And then, I have to let go, and I have to trust.  My joy level is not directly proportional to their joy level.

If you’ve come to realize that your joy (or happiness) is dependent on your children’s joy or success, then have a look at these tips below and let me know if they help you:

  1. Give your children back to God.  He loves them even more than you do.
  2. Ask God to give you wisdom and insight into their personality, love languages, gifts and talents.
  3. Look at how you are parenting at the moment.  Are you hovering, too involved or not involved enough?  
  4. Do you need to realise for yourself that your happiness is not dependent on your child’s success or happiness?  What can you do understand that fully?
  5. How can you love yourself and your children in a way that it’s releasing and empowering?

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